Are you worried about your career and all the little things in life? Are you running around like a hamster on a wheel, fixated on matters that don't truly count while ignoring your loved ones and putting off what really matters to you? This relentless pursuit of making a living has become so crucial that we forget to live and pay attention to what's truly important.
I have been a major culprit in this myself. For decades, I've been trying to prove myself and become someone, working day and night to earn a decent paycheck to provide my kids with everything they might need. However, in the process of gaining experience and earning money, I have missed out on so much. I lost many years where I could have built a genuine connection with my family. I was physically there and did what I could, but I was not truly present to enjoy life. I was continually operating with the fear of survival and the stress of taking all the responsibilities on my shoulders. I didn't give them the gift of my time as much as I could have.
It took me 14 years to return to my hometown in India to see my father. I hadn't seen him for so long, primarily due to my anger about the past, my childhood trauma, and the story that I was living due to these experiences: "I don't have time to waste; I need to take care of my family. I need to be 100% and all the time, and in control to survive, not let my guard down".
I finally went back to see him in September when I learned that he was suffering from the last stage of cancer and might not have much time left. I spent seven days with him, talking and being present. It was the best decision I could have made. For the first time in my life, and in our time together as father & daughter, I asked him about his life. What was his experience growing up? What is his story? For the first time, I shared with him how his behavior impacted my life, and I said I forgive you and thank you. I am who I am today because of life's experiences; I am a warrior, a fighter, and that's because I have learned to fight back with whatever life throws at me. Lastly, I ask for forgiveness for not taking the courage to have this conversation earlier, creating a wall between us, and holding anger for years. I felt like a hundred-ton weight was lifted off my chest, clearing this baggage of life. We hugged and cried for a long time, and we got our closure.
On Thursday, October 10th, I received the call that he had only 3-4 hours left while I was driving back from the airport after dropping off my mom. My heart felt heavy, and tears rolled down my face as if they would never stop. I cried out loud, shaking, but I decided to go to work to handle an important meeting that needed my attention. I wiped my tears, put on a mask of normalcy, and carried on with my duties. I received a call from my sister in the afternoon that my dad passed away, and at that moment, the whole world just stopped. I left the office to pick up my kids and go back home.
I will never forget that drive. I was behind the wheel, crying, feeling lost and lonely, as the world around me seemed to keep moving while everything in my world had come to a halt. Over the past few days, I've been grappling with phases of sadness and anger at myself for how I've spent the last 14 years. What was truly important, and did I focus on that? I'm writing this to share what I have learned through this process.
Lesson #1: Make time for what's important!
While our careers are essential for living a comfortable life, we must remind ourselves of what truly matters amidst this relentless race. Why are you working so hard? What are you ultimately trying to achieve? Do you aspire to be the next entrepreneur? A C-level executive? The next big shot? Yes, those goals can be enticing, but why do you want to achieve them? Beneath it all, your core desire is likely to be happy. But what defines happiness? It's when you make others happy, give love, and devote time to those you cherish. Happiness comes from giving back and being surrounded by loved ones as you create memories.
Don't lose focus on spending quality time with your family. Yes, hard work and dedication are necessary, but be fully present when you're with your loved ones. Just as you concentrate intensely on a critical presentation at work, do the same when you are with your family. Create balance in your life: hustle hard for your career and carve out time for your loved ones.
Lesson #2: Don't hold grudges for too long. Communicate your differences and learn to mend your broken relationships. Life may not offer you much time or second chances!
I held anger toward my father for how he treated my sisters and me in the past. He struggled with alcoholism and physically and mentally abused my mother while also hurting us when he was drunk. For many years, I harbored hatred toward him and did everything in my power to escape that environment and create distance between us. I started working right after high school so I could be independent. My goal was to earn enough to protect my mom, provide for my loved ones, give them the best possible life, and ensure I would never depend on anyone else. Thus began my race to make a living...better term "survival."
That hatred, that grudge, that ego of not taking the initiative to mend the relationship has a hefty price to pay. Relationships are simple; all they require is love and communication. Just an open heart-to-heart conversation can do wonders. All it takes is getting up, sitting next to your loved one, creating a space to converse, listening authentically to understand the other person's perspective, and sharing yours without judgment & assumptions. Ironing out and clearing the air instead of figuring out who to blame.
Do not let your past experiences create a story that you live in the present, primarily if it's not serving you. Look deeply and reflect: am I living my past? Am I holding any past grudges? Are there any relationships that I need to work on? What story am I living right now? Is this true? Is this serving me and my loved ones? Am I living life to the fullest, or are my story and beliefs holding me back? You own the pen to write or rewrite your story and live the life you want.
As we navigate the hustle of life, let us not forget that the true measure of our existence lies not in the accolades we achieve or the wealth we accumulate, but in the love we share and the connections we nurture. In the end, it's the moments we cherish and the relationships we mend that shape our legacy—so take the time to reflect, reconnect, and relish the journey with those who matter most. Life is fragile; make every moment count.